Monday, January 23, 2012

Monday Blues...

I have to say that Mondays are never really good to me. I remember my grandma telling me that Mondays are her worse days. She lives with my parents and when I lived in the area, my brother's family and my sister's family would all get together there on Sunday afternoons. Monday morning it was eerily quiet and she would feel depressed.....

Now I really know what she means. The first day that the kids go back to school and husband goes to work, I can't seem to focus and want to mope around the house. Of course this rain in the area isn't helping at all!

But my "depression" goes even deeper to be honest. For over 8 years, I have suffered from depression in one form or another. The winter months are usually the worse, but in the last 2 years, I have started overcoming the depression more and more. I think that I have really noticed in the last 6 years because, well, I am a stay at home mom and not in the workplace... My home becomes a prison in the winter time. I don't have 20 something little kids to take my mind off of what is really going on in my head.

It's really a vicious cycle that is hard to get away from. A lot of times, I just want to give up on everything... Quit sewing, quit creating.. But, to be quite honest, I can't see myself doing anything else.

I loved teaching when I first started... Especially when I got to teach kindergarten. I was under the radar of testing and could allow the students to love learning. Then I got put into fourth grade and was told to "teach the test"... I lost it... I can't teach like that. So pretty much got black-balled... I tried for years to get back into kindergarten at another school, but no one would hire me. Now that we are in a different state, you would think that I would take another chance, but I get an anxiety attack just THINKING about entering a classroom... I miss the kids.. I miss the fun.. I don't miss the politics.

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