Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Have to Vent

I know that I don't usually vent on this blog but it seems to me that there isn't anyone who reads my blog anymore, so why not post on here?

It seems that in the last month, I busted my tail to get new things each week for the next craft show and now that everything is dead again, I realize the I busted my tail, neglected my kids, neglected my house and for what? I have always heard that what you do for your business may take 3 months to see the return, but let's be honest... I have been at this for 3 YEARS and I feel like I am just starting out only with too much stuff to count. Being a Work At Home Mother is the HARDEST thing that I have ever done and no one (but my husband) sees that I bust my booty and get no help. The rest of my family and what friends I do talk to tend to see this as a phase and should be easy peasy... Well, let's see.....

My brother and wife both work outside the home. On their respective days off, they still take the kids to day care and get to have time off of parenting too. Neither one of them bring anything home from work but gripes, complaints and whatnot.


Me? Let's see..... My work is in the back yard (thanks greatly to my parents who helped build a room to house most of the business. It's way too small already) I don't get a day off. I don't make enough money to put my kids in daycare. I have to juggle trying to make money (and lets face it I have to make a ton so that there is actually money left over when I spend it BACK into the business) and keep up with four kids, a husband who works from sun up to sun down and our house. When I ask for help, I am met with complaints and bargains that never pan out.

I feel like I am on the verge of getting off really well and every time I turn around, I am met with problems that I can't fix.. So my question to myself every dang month is... Do I quit? Do I sacrifice myself, once again, to the better of the family. Is closing up shop really what the family needs? I know that it's not what I need. I get a lot of satisfaction out of creating things for others. I get to help others and use my God given talent...

Right now, I feel like I am in a no-win situation... Have you ever heard the song, "King of Anything"? Well, there is a part of the song that speaks to me.. When Sara says something about making others happy while I hurt inside.. When will it be my turn to decide.... I am SSSSOOOOO there.

I figure I don't have the ability to say what I want. I am a mom and a wife. I gave up working outside the home. One because if I didn't quit the job that I was in, I wasn't going to last very long. Secondly, I felt it was more important to raise my daughter not in a day care like the first two where.

But living like I am, I am on a destructive path (emotionally, physically and intellectually) that I don't know what is the path that I need to take...

I am pretty sure that this only makes sense to me. I have had to sit here and type this out while chaos is all around me...

2 comments:

Dlsarmywife said...

I tend to lurk, more than I comment, but I lurk here none the less. I have all boys, but I love seeing your adorable little outfits!

I'm a military wife too and I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been in your spot before, and heck often still find myself there as far as my business goes. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I too and still trying to find that perfect happy place. I'll keep you in my thoughts, and can only say this... do what makes YOU happy! HUGS
Deborah

Rachel said...

:( Hardly anybody posts on mine either! I am just really happy for that person in South Korea who checks in once a week! lol