Thursday, October 1, 2009

I give up....

1. Trying to do everything myself or on my own. Unfortunately, my children don't seem to understand that this means that they ACTUALLY have to work around the house.

2. Trying to make everyone else happy. I just end up miserable. All my life, I have tried to make others happy. All I have ended up doing is driving myself crazy and add more self-doubt.

3. Trying to lose weight. Maybe after giving up all the other stuff, the weight will just magically disappear?

4. Trying to be perfect at everything. It doesn't work.

5. Trying to keep up with all my Facebook friends. I admit it, they are all more popular, have more money, more friends and talent then I ever will. Going on there and seeing all the success that they have is making my depression even greater.

6. Trying to stay up til all hours of the night to get work done. It's the only "me" time that I have and what do I do with it? I sew and sew and sew. Long gone are the long, hot bubble baths, the sipping of drinks, the reading of trashy novels for the fun of it. Granted, I was single back in those days (heck, that was just 5 years ago!) but a girl needs some "me" time now and then.

7. Putting everyone else before myself ALL the time. Maybe it's the mommy in me, but I put myself last most of the time. Mainly because, when I put myself first, I feel guilt. Maybe it's how I was raised, maybe it's the way that life has treated me, I really don't know. But I need to take some time and put myself first.

8. Doubting my talent. Anyone that looks at my shop for something and doesn't see the gems that are in there, well, they are missing a lot! God gave me this talent. I go to bed every night ( just about) and thank him for this talent. I also thank him for the revenue that he will send to me in the future. It's hard to keep on trucking when you see people around you with just as much talent and they talk down to you. I will see the flaws in my work because I believe that there is only one being that is perfect.

9. Trying to hide how I really think. I don't know a whole lot about the bible, but when I hear sermons and stories, I recognize them. But, I know what I know and believe what I believe and that should be enough. I have a lot of studying in the bible to make sure that what I truly believe is correct, but I think that I am just about in a place where I can study. I just hope that my material reality doesn't kick in. I want to know the truth, not what I want to be the truth.

10. Keeping with the Jones. It's time to look into Financial Peace University. Been listening to The Total Money Makeover, or was. I am almost to the point that I am not afraid to start making it work. I gotta get my head clear of the cobwebs of depression, work through some issues and I should be good to go. I have lost myself in the last few years. Not working will do that to a person, you know. Add in seasonal depression, teenagers, toddlers and preschoolers and being a military wife, and, well, I think just about anyone would go a little crazy.

1 comment:

Shay said...

A couple at church did the dave ramsey financial peace thing and after (about 2 years?) they are now 100% debt free. They still use the envelope system and coupons and live on a tight budget.
Adam & I borrowed the dvd's from them, we just dont have neough discipline to use the envelops and crap. We did however cut up all credit cards we had (last year). We dont even have an "emergency" one, and we have began paying everything off. We should be debt free in a little over two years as well. It's hard though. Good luck!! I think it's a great idea!