I give up....

1. Trying to do everything myself or on my own. Unfortunately, my children don't seem to understand that this means that they ACTUALLY have to work around the house.

2. Trying to make everyone else happy. I just end up miserable. All my life, I have tried to make others happy. All I have ended up doing is driving myself crazy and add more self-doubt.

3. Trying to lose weight. Maybe after giving up all the other stuff, the weight will just magically disappear?

4. Trying to be perfect at everything. It doesn't work.

5. Trying to keep up with all my Facebook friends. I admit it, they are all more popular, have more money, more friends and talent then I ever will. Going on there and seeing all the success that they have is making my depression even greater.

6. Trying to stay up til all hours of the night to get work done. It's the only "me" time that I have and what do I do with it? I sew and sew and sew. Long gone are the long, hot bubble baths, the sipping of drinks, the reading of trashy novels for the fun of it. Granted, I was single back in those days (heck, that was just 5 years ago!) but a girl needs some "me" time now and then.

7. Putting everyone else before myself ALL the time. Maybe it's the mommy in me, but I put myself last most of the time. Mainly because, when I put myself first, I feel guilt. Maybe it's how I was raised, maybe it's the way that life has treated me, I really don't know. But I need to take some time and put myself first.

8. Doubting my talent. Anyone that looks at my shop for something and doesn't see the gems that are in there, well, they are missing a lot! God gave me this talent. I go to bed every night ( just about) and thank him for this talent. I also thank him for the revenue that he will send to me in the future. It's hard to keep on trucking when you see people around you with just as much talent and they talk down to you. I will see the flaws in my work because I believe that there is only one being that is perfect.

9. Trying to hide how I really think. I don't know a whole lot about the bible, but when I hear sermons and stories, I recognize them. But, I know what I know and believe what I believe and that should be enough. I have a lot of studying in the bible to make sure that what I truly believe is correct, but I think that I am just about in a place where I can study. I just hope that my material reality doesn't kick in. I want to know the truth, not what I want to be the truth.

10. Keeping with the Jones. It's time to look into Financial Peace University. Been listening to The Total Money Makeover, or was. I am almost to the point that I am not afraid to start making it work. I gotta get my head clear of the cobwebs of depression, work through some issues and I should be good to go. I have lost myself in the last few years. Not working will do that to a person, you know. Add in seasonal depression, teenagers, toddlers and preschoolers and being a military wife, and, well, I think just about anyone would go a little crazy.

Checking in from the Tail-End of my Vaca!

The past two weeks have just flown by, more than I ever thought possible. Upstairs, everyone is getting prepared for the big family picnic that will be starting soon. It's not all the nieces and nephews, but both of DH brother's and wives will be here!

My IL have made sure that we have all stayed pretty busy while here. There is so much stuff to do locally or just an hour drive away. Got to see a "castle" built by one man since the 1960's (all stone and ironwork and basically just a shell).

Got to see Garden of the Gods and Manitou Springs (well the arcade and a few shops).

Got to go to Spring Spree and see some great things going on locally for the children of the area.

Got to see my favorite MLB team play. The scariest part was during batting practice, when a baby was down by the right fowl line and got knocked by a ball that bounced off the arm of the girl that was holding him. Her arm took the brunt of the speed of the ball, but it made me sick to my stomach to see that baby hurt. A little bit later, she came out with her arm wrapped with ice and the baby was up top safe in his stroller. This is one reason that chipmunk and cheetah stayed with Grandma that day!

Got to help my in laws clean up their backyard, trimming trees and setting post to redo the fence.

Took the kids to a few malls. The kids really enjoyed themselves and it was nice to get out and find a few things that we can't find back home.

Got to go up to Cripple Creek to the Donkey Derby. We didn't get to see the derby, but the kids got to see a donkey, we got to ride a train to see some more the mountain and hear stories (like did you know that the TV show "Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman" was based on the first female doctor in Cripple Creek?)

Today is the family picnic/barbecue.

Anyway, we leave early Tuesday morning for home. I have enjoyed this vacation very much, but I also look forward to being able to get busy in the sweatshop too! I have loads of ideas for all that yummy fabric waiting for me back home!

Hopefully, the economy will be better and I will make some more sales!

So What Does it Take to Make It?

There is nothing like a good ol' meltdown to set your heart and brain in motion is there? Well, Sunday afternoon, I did just that. You know that meltdown inside that has to happen when life is throwing stuff at you from every direction and you just can't figure out what end is up and how to get yourself outta the funk?

Here is what I learned:
1. Quit trying to make everyone else happy and make yourself happy. At the end of the day when you put your head on your pillow, you are it. Sure, some have a husband sleeping next to them, I do too, but sometimes even he falls asleep before me.... What am I saying, he is usually fast asleep by the time I get to bed! lol
2. Worry just makes you sick. What I mean is worrying about EVERY little thing will just make you sick. A little worried is okay, but when you worry all the time about everything, you lose touch with the things that matter.
3. You will never get everything "right". I learned this one from my mom. When my older two were little and I was in college, she told me that I should quit college while the kids were little and stay home with them. Now I have little ones again and have been blessed to be a SAHM, and guess what? She's telling my that I am doing a disservice to my kids because they have no social interaction being home all the time! See, never doing it "right". But you want to know something. I did it right for me both times. Ten years ago, it was the right thing to finish my teaching degree and now it's the right thing to stay home while I can.
4. I HAVE to have an outlet. A creative outlet. That's what I loved about teaching little ones. I got to be creative. THAT is what I missed about teaching. And so I am taking that creative side of me and I am going to see where else it will lead me. I love sewing and making haribows and all the other stuff that is crammed into my sweatshop.

So now I am on a fact finding mission... What does it take to make it in the handmade, designer world? How have the major popular people done it? It can't be dumb-luck? (I've been lucky before) Lots of money? (if it is, I am in major trouble) Desire and ambition? (I got that!) Determination? (Got that too) Oh yeah, talent! ( I've been told that I have that.) Self-confidence (well, that one comes and goes)

What do you think it takes? If you are successful in the "biz" what do you think it took? Help a girl out! lol

Does Creativity mean Messy?

So two weeks ago, I got it in my head, yet again, that my workspace just wasn't cutting it. It was time for a change. Now I said two weeks ago... Well, here is what my workspace looked like when I said this. I am going to space all this out that has happened in my workspace over a few posts, 'cause, well, Momma still isn't all too happy with the set up. But we must start where we were first. I will say that I did move the room around and get started the day after these pictures were taken! I was on the ball for that much. It's just that life, well, life has a way of slapping you in the face and telling to you to wake up to things. And so, it is still a work in progress.....

With the room how it was, it was very hard to keep B'ana girl and the Z'man from destroying it everyday. Plus when my creative side takes over, piles build, and build, and build! I mean, I couldn't get to my crafting table! More to follow, thanks for keeping up with me!